I would be pretty hard pressed to find anyone who wouldn’t want to change one thing about themselves.
It seems people with curly hair want straight hair, while people with straight hair long for those locks of curls.
We are only human and this is common.
I often say people need to be in a good place when they decide it’s time to look for a partner. Of course, life always has unexpected obstacles along the way, so none of us will get out of this unscathed. Here’s what I really mean.
If you are angry and full of resentment over a past relationship or divorce, you need to sort through those emotions before bringing them into a new relationship. Not all divorces are amicable or enjoyable, but it’s true that time does heal and counselling doesn’t hurt, either. So reach out to one of the many wonderful counsellors in town and they will get you on the road to recovery.
If you dislike your job so much that you find you are complaining all the time about it or your boss, and you are distracted by it, maybe a career change, or a transfer to another department, may be something to consider.
If you are in debt and having financial issues, planning some steps to take care of those bills is a good idea.
I am a big fan of free dating. Going on hikes, dog walks, bike rides or picnics are wonderful ways to start out getting to know each other. At some point, there could be bowling, movies, dinners, concerts and even trips.
If each person cannot afford to pay their own way, that could be problematic. That being said, there are couples who love living frugally and finding someone on the same page is wonderful.
For the most part, though, if you have maxxed out your credit cards and have no means to pay them off, it’s time to talk to a financial advisor to get back on track.
If you are filling a void by going to the pub every day or partying every weekend, that may be a dealbreaker for many men and women. Drinking in moderation is great, but if that isn’t possible, your perfect match could be AA.
I have set up many people who have gone through the 12-step program and they make amazing partners. Keep in mind that addiction comes in many forms: gambling, shopping, sex, food, drugs, etc. If your life is unmanageable from any of these, now is the time to seek help, not romance.
Many of us put on Covid pounds over the last 18 months. It took me a year to drop the 15 I put on. If you are feeling unhealthy and and have always wanted to make a big change, this would be a great time for that. Join Run Club or a gym. Get a personal trainer and/or friends to help keep you on track to fitness. There are also some great free apps to help your goals. You will gain confidence — and confidence is attractive.
I don’t expect every person who comes to me to be upbeat and energetic like Uncle Chris the Clown. Some people are not wired that way and that’s fine.
If you have what is called resting ____ face,” that’s also cool. Nobody should change who they are to find a partner, but people should not look for a partner when their life is in chaos. Even if you find your perfect match and live happily ever after, there are going to be tough curveballs that come your way.
It could be a health crisis, a job loss, losing a parent and many more But once you have grown together, you can support each other when someone needs it and have their back.
If you are a healthy, non-smoker of any age, have most facets of your life in order and would like to share your happiness with someone, contact me by email at at holmes@wheretheheartis.ca.
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