I  once received an email that read, ” I’m lonely. Can you help?”
Sadly, I responded to this man, telling him can’t help the lonely. I explained that trying to find a partner when one is feeling lonely could be disastrous. A partner can’t fix loneliness. Lonely and being alone are very different. I have heard from many women who say it’s vital that the partner they consider for a relationship, have their own life full of hobbies and activities. They don’t want to become the only thing in someone’s life.
I have observed some glaring differences in the single men and women I have been meeting during the past five years. Of course, this isn’t in all cases as there are exceptions and, in several cases, it’s reversed. But for the most part, when women become single, either through death or divorce, they move forward with strong friendships and various activities. Many join groups and organizations and take lessons as they try new things.
Men, on the other hand, tend to isolate and stop doing the things they used to do. They say their wives used to plan everything. Again, this is not in all cases. I love it when I see groups of retired men having their coffee at Tim Hortons or A&W, engaged in great conversation.
Some men tell me they just don’t have those friend groups and they are wired differently than women. This is true and some men don’t need or want a lot of friendships, but if they are looking for a new romantic partner, they will need to step out of their comfort zone a little bit. Those of you who have been reading this column over the years probably notice I have mentioned several times that volunteering is a great way to put yourself out there. Even introverted people can do some quiet volunteering. You will feel rewarded and these steps could be life -changing.
If your answer is, “Nothing much,” when asked by a potential match what you do for hobbies or enjoyment, chances are you won’t be getting a second date.
I once went grocery shopping and I had not had breakfast or lunch. I found myself famished and grabbed some junk food in the checkout aisle and polished off a big bag of jujubes before I got home. I felt this disgusting blob of sugar in my guts and immediately regretted it.
Nutritionists will advise against shopping for food when you are hungry. That’s the same reason you shouldn’t look for a partner when you are lonely. It will lead to regret. Once you have found a couple of new hobbies or something new to put on your calendar every week, you will have a new spring in your step. That is the time to meet someone new.
A partner can enrich and enhance your happy life, but a partner cannot fix your sad, lonely life.
If you are happy, single and already had lunch, contact me by email at holmes@wheretheheartis.ca and I can introduce you to someone with whom you can share some fun adventures.
Don’t forget — your last chance for romance is this summer.