I saw a fabulous movie last week — Leisure Seekers.
The film stars Donald Sutherland and Helen Mirren as an aging couple faced with health challenges and how their love story helped them through the obstacles. I don’t want to spoil the ending, but it gave me some insight into an interesting question that was presented to me.
You may have heard that I have been happily connecting people of all ages, but one great group I have been getting to know are the seniors. I had one divorced gentleman ask for my thoughts on who would make a better match for him — a divorced woman or a widow?
I haven’t done a lot of research on that, but it got me thinking. I know several couples who have remarried similar situations. Both were divorced or both were widowed or both were one of each.
I think a big concern when entering into a relationship with someone who has lost their spouse is that the extended family may feel you are a replacement for the lost loved one. In addition, the one who lost their spouse has been known to talk about them lovingly a little too much, leaving the new partner feeling vulnerable and insecure.
I also understand it could be appealing and somewhat stimulating for both people if they are divorced to have a little vent session over java and dish on the exes a bit. Here’s one thing I do know — not everyone who lost a spouse had a joyful marriage and not everyone who got divorced dislikes their ex.
My husband and I were divorced when we met. We both like our exes and we like each other’s exes, too.  I know that’s not always the case for everyone.
I have an aunt who was divorced about 25 years ago. A few years later, she married a man who had lost his wife to cancer. There were certainly adjustments and growing pains, but when a couple is mature enough to understand the situation and knows the goal of moving forward and healing from past pain and grief, the future will truly be brighter.
I understand that some families are downright dysfunctional and will refuse to accept a new person into the extended family. For that dilemma, I have no answer. I am not a relationship expert or a counsellor or someone who knows the difference between the pain of a failed marriage and the pain of a lost spouse. I have only been through one of those hope I don’t have to experience the other.
However, I truly believe regardless of what loss you have had, it has brought you to where you are today.
If you are content, at peace with the past and ready to enjoy the limited time we have on this Earth, contact me as I have many amazing single, divorced and widowed people to introduce — just as I did two years ago this month, and the divorced man and widowed woman remain a perfect match.
I would love for you to share on my Facebook page any experiences you have had so we can carry on the conversation.Meanwhile, if you are single and happy, contact me by email at holmes@wheretheheartis.ca.