Someone asked me what I mean when I always say “If you are single and happy, contact me.”
I have noted there is nothing wrong with being single and that it is nobody’s business if it’s by choice and you plan to stay that way for good.
But for people who are single and wanting to share their life with someone, it’s important to connect happy, positive people.
There is more to being happy than just smiling. I am not saying we don’t all have times in our lives when we feel a bit sad, get in a funk or need some space. In this day and age of open communication around the awareness of mental health, I am aware there are many people who have real struggles with anxiety, depression or mood disorders. That being said, there are people who face obstacles, like anxiety, who can be truly happy. It means their partners need to be patient and understanding — just ask my husband or ex-husband.
What I mean when I refer to being happy is this: when you look in the mirror ,are there things you see that are really upsetting to you? All of us tend to focus on the negative flaws we see and would love to change — and that’s normal. But if you can truly accept and learn to like things you can’t change, such as height, age spots, stretch marks and receding hairline, then you are in a great place to be ready for a relationship.
However, if you look in the mirror and see things that cause you sadness and shame that only you can fix, you are not ready for a relationship. No partner can fix that for you. Only you can fix yourself.
I have had people come to me who are wonderful, genuine, attractive, successful and smart. But they are missing a key ingredient in their life — happiness.
Maybe some people struggle with weight, or drinking, or working 12 hours a day.
(I have been guilty of all three.)
But until one can become aware of it, the chances of meeting someone are not great. If you want to feel better about yourself, a matchmaker is not the answer. A personal trainer, or a counsellor, or a business coach could be exactly what you need.
Going to a gym, volunteering or even changing jobs may be what you need to get to a place where you feel happy on the inside. Once you are happy on the inside, the results will show on the outside. A personal trainer can be tough, but they will encourage you to succeed. Volunteering will fill your heart with warmth and a new job might give you a fresh outlook on life. There is work involved in all of this, but the rewards will be worth it. And, along the way, think about what an amazing partner you are going to make for someone.
You may even meet someone at the gym, or while volunteering, or through your new job and you won’t even need a matchmaker.
(Did I just say that?)
If you like your job, have good friends, have accepted past failed relationships, mourned your lost spouse and are looking to share your happiness with someone else, I can help. Contact me by email at
holmes@wheretheheartis.ca. This week, I will draw for a $50 gift certificate to Nandi’s Flavours of India — and that makes me happy.
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