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This may make me sound old, but I remember a common phrase thrown around the school playground as a kid: “Sticks and stones may break my bones, but names will never hurt me.” The statement dates back to the 1800s as a response to schoolyard bullying. Some name-calling has long-lasting effects on people. In those playground days, however, we were lucky those torturous names remained on the playground. The age of the internet has changed all that, with some cases going viral and even ending in tragedy. In any case, name-calling is unacceptable.
Sometimes in relationships, however, well-thought out constructive feedback may be what we need to move forward with our next partner. For example, let’s say hypothetically the last few girlfriends and boyfriends you have had all mentioned you were negative. You can either think they are all wrong or you may want to take some time to reflect and do some soul-searching — maybe even seek professional help armed with this helpful information. How great would it be to get to the bottom of what is causing the negativity and find a way to deal with it? You know that other saying: “If it looks like a duck and quacks like a duck, it’s probably a duck.”
As an example — and I am really putting myself out there with this — one issue I was made aware of in my relationships was that I held onto an argument for too long. When I was doing it, I wasn’t aware of it. Looking back, however, it is so clear to me. Now, I have either learned this about myself, don’t have the energy to hold onto arguments as long or maybe I just heard that song from Frozen too many times — but I only tend to hold onto a fight for about two days. (Compared to two months or even two years.)
As humans, we tend to always think we are right. It just seems that it would be so logical to accept these flaws, work on them, and you will have so much more to offer in your next relationship. So if you have heard more than a couple times you can be stubborn, controlling, passive aggressive or negative, try not to make any more excuses — just admit it. It feels great and, realistically, we never really rid ourselves of some of these traits, but being self-aware of them is a huge bonus.
There’s that other saying: “The glass is half empty or half full depending on how you look at it.” It demonstrates how differently people look at a situation, negatively or positively. Whereas, I can’t help but wonder who would leave half a drink in a glass in the first place. I want to connect single, happy, self-aware people to each other. If you are one of them, contact me at holmes@wheretheheartis.ca.
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