I once asked my readers what they thought the right time was for a first kiss.Would it be best to jump right in on the first date? How about the second? Or should the kiss wait until the third date?I was surprised by some of the answers from those 70-plus age range. They felt the first date was ideal for the first kiss — and many of them are quite pleased to report that, 40 years later, they are still together.Today, things are a bit different. The first couple of dates seem to be a time to determine if there is potential to want to kiss the person. Kissing is considered to be a meaningful form of intimacy. I find that refreshing, considering there are men and women who are swiping right on Tinder and, an hour later, rolling around exchanging more than just saliva with a person they don’t even know.I am not saying there is anything wrong with some safe extracurriculars, but the consistent concerns I am hearing from people, especially millennials, is that they are now wondering about their future and if they are going to have a committed partner and a family.When it comes to dating and matchmaking, some people are confused as to how long to date a potential match before deciding if it’s best to dissolve and move on to a different match. I give my clients my opinion based on what has been working best.Maybe this will make things a little clearer. Here’s the ABC’s of that…..
:A: If I’ve sent you a match, it’s because after meeting with both of you, I feel there are similarities physically — in personality and lifestyle. Your profiles could be very similar in what your goals are and sometimes it’s just instinct.B: First dates can be a little awkward and nerve-wracking for some. Not everyone loosens up and shows their fun side until the second or third date, so if there’s nothing alarming or upsetting on the first date, and the person is genuine and down to earth, I always recommend trying another couple of dates. Be patient.C: If, after the second or third date, you still aren’t sure, it’s a good idea to communicate that with the person. Maybe they are wondering the same thing of you. Having that conversation may make you both realize you are better off as friends. Then again, that open, honest, vulnerable chat could lead to the first kiss.
Given first dates are usually a coffee chat in a public place, that’s really the opportunity for first impressions. The second date could be a bit more playful and, by the third date, there certainly should be some butterflies and anticipation for what comes next.If none of that happens, you know you have given it your best shot and we move on to a new match. My first three dates with my husband went like this:A: Bowling and coffee shop.B: Mini-golf, then to a pub (first kiss). C: Dinner and live music.Some of my most successful couples are the ones who were slow builds. They seem to have a really strong foundation compared to some who jump right into the physical side of the coupling. Of course, intimacy is vital in a relationship, but it’s the foundation of friendship and compatibility that will get you through the tough times.If you would like to get into the ABC’s of matchmaking and you are a happy, single person, contact me by email at firstname.lastname@example.org and we will get you out on your first three dates.