When was the last time you went grocery shopping and brought along a list of the items you did not wish to buy?Imagine for a moment wandering aimlessly among the aisles of Save-On-Foods, consulting a list that read “Don’t get radishes,” “Don’t buy apples,” “Don’t grab pork chops.”That would just be ridiculous. How the heck would you know what to get?A shopping list is, in fact, usually a list of items you regularly buy, such as milk, cheese and eggs. If you happen to be making a special dinner, you would add the ingredients on your shopping list as directed by the recipe.Of course, there are also days when Darrel’s Deals are impossible to pass up and those also get tossed in your shopping cart. If you are like me, you may have had one of those days when someone is offering a sample product. You try it and that, too, gets added to the cart.In matchmaking, it is important to list the dealbreakers you can’t accept in a partner. Things like smoking, daily drinking or being a race-car driver are some of the common ones on the don’t-buy list.  I am finding people will have a lot more success in their search for a soul mate or companion if they focus on the positives, rather than the negatives.Let’s look at how different these two examples can be (written by me, not a client):1. I’m looking for a happy, healthy, active partner who has a good sense of humour. I like motivation and the outdoors. If they are kind to animals, that’s a bonus. It would also be nice if they have a good relationship with their kids’ parent. I love independent people who like to enjoy activities together and apart. I hope to find someone to enjoy this great life together. I am drawn to fit, athletic body types. 2. I don’t want someone short or overweight. I don’t want anyone lazy. I don’t like tattoos piercings or beards. They had better not be jealous or needy. No couch potatoes. No baggage. These two lists are the same, but very different. What I mean is they both could be written by the same person and the partner they are looking for could fit either criteria.I am sure you will agree the description in the first list is much more appealing. It will make a big difference by changing attitudes to focus on the positives, not the negatives.In doing so, the craziest thing might happen — you might end up falling in love with someone who sports a beard. And, even crazier, you could end up putting a red pepper in your shopping cart to add some new spice to dinner and your date.If you would like to share your positive profile with me, send an email to holmes@wheretheheartis.ca.