On the eve of the last day of 2020, it is a time when many people plan to start fresh in the new year. Rather than listing resolutions for dating, someone sent me a link from mental health advocates on Instagram, called The 8 Uncomfortable Truths We All Need To Accept.
These can give us time to reflect on our relationships, where we are at in them or things we need to work on. I am sure several of these will resonate and my wish for you in 2021 is to be your best self mentally and physically, which will be the ideal way to enter a partnership.


1. Happiness is where you are now — or nowhere at all. It’s not a new relationship, it’s not a new job, it’s not a completed goal and it’s not a new car. Until you give up on the idea that happiness is somewhere else, it will never be where you are.


2. Contrary to popular opinion, quitting is for winners. Knowing when to quit, change direction, leave a toxic situation, demand more from life or give up on something that isn’t working and move on is a very important skill that people who win at life seem to have. But don’t quit because it’s hard, Quit because it sucks.


3. If they really wanted to, they would. If you apply pressure, they’ll do what you want them to do. If you take the pressure off, you’ll see what they’d rather do. Never waste your life fighting what someone would rather do Let them go. Move on. Do better.


4. Taking no risk is the biggest risk. You have to risk failure to succeed. You have to risk rejection to be accepted. You have to risk heartbreak to love. If you’re always avoiding risk, you’re risking missing out on life.


5. Call yourself out. The most common reason people keep making the same mistakes is because their insecure ego prevents them from taking responsibility for their own chaos, their own toxic traits and their own mistakes. You have to call yourself out. Calling yourself out means you care more about your future, your progress and your happiness than just protecting your ego.


6. Closure is your choice. Closure isn’t an apology or justice or answers. That’s insecurity. If the situation made you feel awful, seeking closure by reopening it is insanity. Closure isn’t something they can give you. Closure is moving on. Closure is your choice.


7. If you’re happy alone, you’ll be happier together. There is no type of affection that can fill the void in a person who doesn’t already love their self. There is no independence in dependency. There is no personal security in attaching yourself to a secure person. Until you have a healthy relationship with yourself, you won’t make healthy decisions about someone else.


8. It’s not your job to fix damaged people. Your responsibility to help someone will never outweigh their responsibility to help themselves. But it’s worth asking yourself why you resonated so strongly with someone that desperately needed “fixing” in the first place. Often, our own toxic romantic and non-romantic attachments tell a story about an issue we have within ourselves.


If you are happy, single and ready to add to someone else’s happy single life in a wonderful partnership, contact me by email at holmes@wheretheheartis.ca and we can get your 2021 love story started.