I love shoes!
I have a pretty decent collection of footwear from over the years. I own several pairs of Fluevogs and, while I was tempted to buy the Bonnie Henry version that recently sold out in minutes, pink just wasn’t doing it for me.
I also own a very unique pair of shoes designed by Julian Hakes, a bridge architect, that has no sole or footplate. It is basically a single ribbon of material wrapped around the foot. They look odd, but they are actually comfortable. Also, it’s important to note they were purchased locally, at Big Boot Inn, courtesy of Ryan Gentile. ( You can now find Ryan next door at Red Wing Shoes)
Imagine you saw the most amazing pair of shoes that you absolutely desired to have and they only came in a size 7 and you are a size 8. You loved them so much that you decided to get them anyway. On those special occasions, you would just squeeze in and make it work.
This, of course, sounds ludicrous and halfway through the night, you will have blisters and be in excruciating pain. Hopefully, you won’t forget how bad it felt wearing those shoes and you will realize they are better suited for someone else.
I have seen people do the same thing with relationships. Don’t get me wrong, I totally advocate for exhausting all efforts to save a marriage and to get counselling to sort out problems, but if the relationship is so painful and unbearable, why put yourself through that again? Don’t you remember the shoes did not fit?  
I know men and women who, for whatever reason, vowed to not go back to the drama and chaos of their past, but in a moment of weakness, they do just that and feel guilty and ashamed after. I know there are stories of divorced couples who remarry and kudos to them for making it work, but statistically, that’s rare. In the four years I have been doing this, I have seen about five people decide to go back to a relationship they had told me was not good for them. A few months later, they were kicking themselves.  
Let’s say you have a friend who quit drinking 10 years ago. They are so much healthier and happier now and you see the difference in their life. If they had a moment of weakness and were thinking about drinking again, I am sure you would tell them to call a friend, go for a walk, get in touch with a sponsor, go shopping or absolutely anything but have that drink.
You would remind them that if they had the drink, it might feel comforting to begin with, but they will feel remorse and guilt for a very long time. That relationship you are tempted to go back to is that bottle of red wine. It feels great, but man, it comes with a headache.
So, if you are tempted to go back to that wrong person, grab a friend, go for a walk downtown and have a refreshing iced coffee. Then treat yourself to a pair of shoes that actually fit. Good quality footwear that is the right size will last forever.
If you would like me to help you find that shoe, contact me by email at holmes@wheretheheartis.ca and I will find it for you. I won’t be ordering it online though, as we will be shopping local.