Have you ever heard a word that could mean both a really good thing, but also a bad thing? I have recently had a word presented to me that fits this scenario. The word is ‘settle.’ 
Here’s how the word is positive: Say you were so happy to have ‘settled’ a dispute outside of court. Or when a crying baby finally ‘settles’ down and goes to sleep. Or when you meet someone special and ‘settle’ down and live happily ever after. Once an argument is over, the dust has ‘settled’. Even historical events show it as a positive word. The Schubert family were part of the Overlanders’ group that made their way on a gruelling journey on log rafts and through the Rockies to finally get to Kamloops to ‘settle’ in 1862. These all sound like positive outcomes.  
The word takes on a negative reference when someone has recently said to me, “Next time I meet someone, I am definitely not going to settle.” 
When I look up the meaning of the word settle used in this manner, here’s what the definition is: “When one chooses to become romantically involved with someone who is not as impressive but just as simple to be with as the best available option.”  
I am pretty sure when people use this term they aren’t really saying they are way better than their previous partner, but perhaps they mean they are going to be more selective that their next lover fits more of their criteria and shares a common passion and connection together. I have talked to a lot of women who have admitted to getting married in their 30s to someone they weren’t head over heels in love with but felt their biological clock was ticking and they wanted to have a family so they chose their partner based on their needs at the time.  
Some of these couples actually learned to love each other and in fact fell in love years after they were married.  Other couples waited until the kids were older and then dissolved their partnerships. They both then felt that they had indeed settled the first time around and would be looking for something different next time. It is certainly vital to have chemistry and attraction in your relationship but many couples also say that while they had intense intimacy in the beginning of their relationship this changed over the years. Some just felt it was too much work to keep that spark going.  
Ironically in my research, I have also found some surprising information. Apparently the traits that you have found most attractive in your partner, are in fact, what ends up being what leads to most arguments, and possibly the dissolution of the marriage. For example, say when you first met your husband, you were flattered at how he wanted to protect you and was jealous of other guys. Years later, that insecurity has caused you so much angst you can’t stand it any more. Or maybe you were so attracted to your wife when you met her as she was a powerful, hard working, driven woman and you were really drawn to that. Years later you found her career got in the way of family time and it drove a wedge between you. Even if your husband was so funny when you met him and you loved that so much, twenty years later you can’t bear to hear one more punch line.  
Regardless, if you felt you settled, if you are seeking a new different partner for this next chapter of your life, I will most likely present you with someone you may not have chosen on your own, and will save you from making the same mistakes.
So I think its settled. If you are happy and single and ready to share that happiness with a worthy candidate, contact me at holmes@wheretheheartis.ca and you may just fall in love and settle down!